Hi again log,

No, I haven't forgotten about you. But I only intend to write if I have something important to say or something I need to get off my chest. As you may have guessed, it's the latter. I guess I should start by saying that my speech in the last entry was pretty useless considering I haven't been out jogging yet, but I do have the workout plan hanging on my wall and my alarm is set to get me up early to go do it. The problem seems to be that it is just to easy to reset my alarm clock. go figure.

Well the reason I'm actually writing is because I had a revelation of sorts yesterday. I guess I should start from the beginning. For over a year now I've been studying to be a dual maritime ships officer. I think the education is far more exciting than anything else I've heard of and I still think that to tell you the truth.

Luckily I've had the chance to be on the ship and try out my future career first hand. I was on board for 3 months this spring. Now it's almost October and yesterday it finally hit me how much I don't want to go back to that ship. For months now I've been telling myself that it was just one bad experience and the possibilities after this education go far beyond the big blue sea anyways. But it still eats at me because I started this adventure with the idea I would one day be a captain and that would make me the happiest man in the world. Unless I can find a new reason for me to be here, I may have to pack my bags and go home.

I would literally have to go home, because this education is only available in Svendborg which is nothing compared to Copenhagen. I have plenty of friends and I don'tm mind the town in itself. But this summer I realised how much I love Copenhagen. I figured after I moved that I would slowly be forgotten by my old schoolmates and I would become less and less dependant on my parents. But it was just the opposite that happened, I can't believe how much I love these people and if they miss me anywhere near as much as I miss them, than it can't be easy.

Plus I know that my dad is going through a hard time right now. And strangely enough I kind of fell like I'm the only one that can help him. For me, it's rather apparant that he is hating life, and I can't blame him considering his father just died and his mother has cancer and he's simply not enjoying his new job one bit.

None of these reasons are enough for me to be a quitter. But working for 5 years to get something I don't want would make me stupid. I haven't made any decisions but right now I need to get my facts straight by talking with my school and my employer and finding out what my options are.

If you are wondering why I would call any of this a revalation, it would be the way I feel right now. My body is flowing with relief and I even plan to start my excersize program right after I finish writing this. I can't believe that I let myself rationalize into thinking that I was doing the right thing and quitting was not an option. THat fact is, there are many options and it's time for me to set my course in the right direction.

ttyl
Christian

First log

Hey log,

Sorry I haven't written to you sooner. It's just that I've been too lazy to get started. Just patheticly lazy. But today I had another long boring train ride after another beer chugging, cigarette coughing, sleeping all day kind of weekend. But I'll get to that in a minute. First I need to mention that I'm not writing this because I think that people actually want to hear about my life. I mean who wants to listen to a normal guy with normal problems, normal aspirations, and absolutely no skills in writing whatsoever. I realize that. But what I like about blog contrary to diary's isn't the fact that I want people to listen to me. But more the fact that anyone and everyone can. I don't expect anyone to read this, but now you have the option.

Anyways (I know there shouldn't be an S), today I got a chance to stop and think. And as usual I ended up thinking about what's missing in my life and how I can get it. Today I actually decided to do several things.

1. Firstly, I need to stop smoking. It's gotten to the point where I can't control it completely and my lungs just feel like shit after this weekend.

2. I'm going to get up a little earlier tomorrow and jog, afterwards I will do some simple weight lifting exercises and I plan to do this every day starting now.

3.... Well maybe I should start with those 2, because those goals seem to be on the edge of impossible anyways. I just have a feeling that if I start my day off with exercise and a hardy breakfast, then I might just have the power to reach all of the other goals on the loooong list. I guess if it was that simple I would've done it already. It's just that after torturing my body this weekend, I want change more than ever.

In the past I would have said that I was a weak person, without the possiblity of "being all that I can be". For some reason I've spent my whole life doing the one thing I know how to do, which is go to school. I just started a new semester and I'm already boasting to my family and friends about how much I know beforehand. But the fact of the matter is, school and my carrier, aren't high on my list of priorities. Of course it's important. But like any boy my age, what I really want is a girlfriend. I have a long whine about why I don't have one and can't seem to get one, but I'll save that for another entry. Right now I should focus on my new fitness program.

I just hope that this blog can serve it's purpose: marking a signifigant turning point in my life forever. How great would it be if I could wake up in the morning with excitement instead of dread? Where am I headed, if I'm just another guy slipping silently through the week in hope of a miracle in the weekend. By miracle I mean fixing my problems by getting shitfaced...

/end captains log :D